Women hold ultimate power over society not men.

Women hold ultimate power over society not men.

Much has been written and griped about regarding the hegemony of female roles within society.  Complaints are heard such as women are only seen in the roles of Mother, Wife, or Daughter.  From the essay Hegemony, Feminist Criticism and The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Bonnie Dow bemoans these roles as limiting women’s power within society and the family.  In this regard I think Bonnie is looking at a very small slice of those cultural roles, frankly the negative she wants to see, and fails to see the power within them. I beg to disagree with her point of view that women have low to no power within these societal/cultural roles.  It’s my belief women hold a great deal of power within these roles.   This brings me to my question:  Who really holds the power in a family and society men or women?  

Mother role:

It’s been noted that a woman performing in a motherly role is somehow submissive to the man in the home.  Being sensitive, nurturing, and caring for others is somehow a fault and not befitting for a woman to perform, and that somehow those characteristics aren’t true strength.  Caring for and nurturing a family has become villainized, un-empowering, and in some ways weak.  I’d ask someone with those beliefs to come meet the Mother’s in my neighborhood and tell them how they’re not empowered and don’t control anything.  Seriously, please come as I could use the laugh as that person ran down the street trying to escape the mad Mothers some of whom are combat veterans.

 I can’t imagine a world, albeit some may because of life circumstances, of a woman not being revered as a Mother.  The importance of a Mother’s role in society and the home is all important.  As Shelly Locke, a CEO, wrote “Mothers are the most powerful influence for good on the earth today.” 

http://www.thepowerofmothers.com/

Considering that we are all the result of our cultural and familial influences, the Mother’s role in shaping future generations is quite evident. In this way women in the Mother role are shaping the world.  Isn’t that ultimate power?  Mother’s, or rather the Motherly role as some single Father’s perform as Mother also, are the glue that holds families and the planet together.  Furthermore, the influence Mothers have over their sons can be tremendous.  Take a look at Strong Mother’s, Strong Sons’ Meg Meeker with Raymond Arroyo and see how a young man’s interaction with women can be shaped by his mother.  

I’m sure most have heard the phrase “wait till your Father gets home” and in fact there used to be a show with that name.  In my family the Dad was the dealer of physical punishment when earned by a naughty little boy namely me.  However, the worst discipline I’ve ever received was the scolding’s received from my Mother.  The ultimate worst was the genuinely hurt look of disapproval and disappointment.  I would have taken a 5:1 ratio, or more, of spankings to that look and talking to from my Mom.  In this case Mother’s such as mine are shaping the minds and opinions of their children and thereby the next generation.  I watched my Dad’s Mother, my Grandmother, adjust my Father’s attitudes and actions even as a mature adult male.  I don’t care how old a man gets his Mother will always be his Mother, and therefore Mom exerts influence over him for life.

A Father’s social cultural role has been viewed as the bread winner and head of the household.  These roles for men are more and more a thing of the past. As far as bread winner, women can and some do make as much money or more, have important careers, and some Father’s now stay at home as home makers.  Roles are more interchangeable these days when compared to past generations.  Most homes are duel income homes with both the Mother and Father working.  Although the percentages swing in the Man’s favor, women do hold well paid important positions outside of the home. Dad’s do their part and help nurture children and help in providing for the family, but nothing can fully replace Mom.  When a little boy needs something, most times he’ll run to Mom so again she is influencing boys that grow to men.  Little girls tend to run to Dad, but that again gives women power even at a young age for Daddies little girl.  How many times have you heard she’s got him wrapped around her little finger?

Furthermore, a Mom also performing in the role of a wife has a great deal of control over what happens in the home and outside of it.

SCORE CARD
Women	1
Men	0

Wife role:

I almost have to laugh at the thought of a woman’s role as a wife being weak or subservient; my experience has been anything but.  As noted by Coach Jessica a licensed Psychotherapist both men and women have roles to play in a marriage. 

This does not mean that women must be subservient to a man in a marriage, but we do have certain roles that are expected of each sex. 

Women in a marriage have great power within that role.  What a woman thinks or desires can, and often does, have a huge influence over the man in the marriage.  Ok, so say we take on the persona of the man being the bread winner in a family.  It was said in the movie Miss Representation that women control 85% of the money.  If that’s the case, then what influence does the man really exert in regard to finances?  In fact, it really reduces the man to being nothing more than a laborer for the benefit of something other than himself being the wife alone or the family if kids are involved.  With that in mind the wife controls the power over the family’s wealth.

As far as support of the man is concerned, Bonnie Dow relay’s the idea that a woman’s purpose in the wife role is support of the husband.  In a healthy marriage both husband and wife support each other.  Everyone has bad days and experiences and therefore the role of husband or wife is to mutually support each other and set their personal feelings aside, at least temporarily, to the benefit of the other is the proper way. 

Moreover, I don’t know even one husband that carries the delusion that he actually controls or runs the house.  Women have an uncanny way of getting what they want which can be positive and negative.  It’s sad to say, but some will even use sex as a weapon to get what they want. 

Sure you could say that men do this too, but generally men are more likely than women to desire intercourse.   Therefore, a man trying to cut off a woman will most likely end in her benefit at least temporarily.   Manipulation of feelings, well frankly, both sexes do that to get what they want.

In regards to family decision making again the woman’s influence out trumps the man the majority of the time for some of the above mentioned reasons.  No doubt most have heard the saying “happy wife, happy life” so go ahead and make important decisions without consulting your partner and see how that works out.

In the marriages I’ve seen through friendships with neighbors, both men and women seem to share a mutually supporting role.  More often than not the woman wins any disagreements if for no other reason than the husband giving in attempting to strike a peace treaty of sorts.  With all the above mentioned items, clearly women have the advantage in the role of wife.

SCORE CARD
Women	2
Men	0

Daughter role:

In relation to the daughter role again Bonnie Dow sites subservience.  Approval and advice are things both sexes seek out.  It’s completely normal, perhaps even wise, to seek out the advice of those with more experience in life or a given profession.  The idea of being subservient because of seeking advice is ridiculous.  Daughters seek the advice of both Father and Mother as do sons. 

The power of the daughter role is to me, on the outside, awe inspiring.  I can only speculate at the true power of a daughter over her father as all my children are male.  However, I see so much truth in the saying “she’s got him wrapped around her little finger” in regards to a daughters influence over her Father.  Some of the pictures above relay a certain sense of this.

I’ve seen Father after Father bend over backwards to care for, protect, and cherish their girls.  Think it changes as that daughter ages, if so, take a look again at the Father’s shirt in regards to dating his daughter.  A little girl can get her Father to do almost anything, and the Father will do it willingly.  I’ve seen a few Dads in makeup so their daughters can have a princess tea party.  I don’t know how a daughters power can be questioned when a person witnesses what a full grown man will do for the approval of his little girl.

SCORE CARD
Women	3
Men	0

I think the answer to my question, which really holds the power in a family and society men or women has been overwhelmingly answered and the winner is: WOMEN!

In the roles of Mother, wife, daughter women are not in a subservient or un-empowered role; they exercise almost an ultimate power.

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