This week
was interesting, informative, and challenging in a variety of personal ways. The topics really left me with more questions
than answers in relation to female objectification and male emotional
repression. I suppose that’s learning,
but clearly something must be done, but what?
Bottom line up front (BLUF) the buck stops here, in other words look
into the mirror for the answer.
There is
social injustice on both sides of the sex spectrum. Women are objectified, but it seems to be in
part a self-fulfilling prophecy as they support the very agencies that promote
their objectification through purchasing those companies products. Honestly I’m not sure where I stand on
this. Women are not objects for purchase
or to be manipulated in anyway, but where is the line drawn in how a
heterosexual man interacts with women? Obviously horrible crimes such as rape
and sexual assault of any variety are never ok, but when is it ok to say or
think a woman is beautiful or sexy? Don’t
women enjoy, to an extent, being admired?
If they don’t
enjoy at least a bit of admiration of their natural beauty then why do they
purchase the products they do? Arrrrgggg, sometimes I really do believe Men
are from Mars and Women from Venus.
In contrast,
men have also been subjected to emotional stressors for life, but very little
complaining is heard. The voicing of
injustice that is heard is not launched at “them” or “they”, “they” mostly
being the media, but rather at those really responsible for it and that is
other men. That is not to say what women
face is completely self-serving or invalid, but just different. Not being a woman I can’t speak to what they
feel, but as a man I can speak to at least what this man feels, and in that
spirit is how I will carry on with this blog.
Man up, act like a man, grow some balls are
phrases most men from my generation have grown up with. Men seem to suffer from
“emotional constipation” as stated in the film Miss Representation. Why is it that men seem to be less vocal of
emotional stressors or rather the repression of emotion? Is it the Low context high uncertainty
avoidance U.S. culture that’s to blame?
Perhaps the machoism displayed on TV and the constant bombardment of it
on our boys. That media bombardment of men and women certainly does have an
effect as noted in Cultivation Theory, but how do we break it? Should we break it?
I personally
don’t blame the media, but the male culture of my generation and those before
me definitely helped to define who I am.
We learn who we are through culture influences/norms, but I blame myself
for passing this culture of emotional repression onto my sons. I do believe a man needs a certain amount of
toughness, as women do too, but that shouldn’t mean we as men should not feel
or be able to talk with others about what bothers us. Why would I pass this
emotional repression on to my sons? What
drove me, or rather shaped me? With
those questions in mind I’ll dive into a bit of background.
These
tendencies towards male repression of emotion are seen in all aspects of life
and in particularly so the military community.
In the
military community it is not ok to show or express all feelings; there needs to
be a certain amount of hardness, or an edge, to a military man’s feelings. In fact, a man that shows any form of
weakness will be relentlessly attacked, emotionally, to harden him up or to develop
that “thick skin.” Simply said, breaking
down under pressure is not acceptable in any way, period.
As seen in
the video clip of the famous Gunny Hartman in Full Metal Jacket, there
is a hardening that must take place for a man’s emotional survival within the
military and in particularly combat. It
does have a purpose and reason, and in this context I believe necessary to a
point.
Although it
may be acceptable in the military context, while on active duty, what ramifications
does it have on the military member’s home life and life after the military or
war? What do they do once the “hardening
has taken place?” What happens when they
come home? Divorce is one of the results
of this hardening. According to
Military.com “Prior to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan the military divorce
rate was around 2.6 percent. After the
wars it was at 3.7 percent and has declined to 3.1 percent as of 2014” (2015). Domestic violence and suicide are other
issues related to this emotional repression especially in combat veterans. SFGATE, in an article reporting on military
domestic violence reported that, “Combat veterans are responsible for almost 21
percent of domestic violence nationwide, linked to the development of post-traumatic
stress disorder--- that veterans alone account for 20 percent of U.S. suicides”
(2014).
Outside of
the military repression of emotions for males is also prevalent. Check out this next clip of a Geico insurance
commercial. Yes, it’s funny. I roll when I watch this, but the truth is
men are truly subjected to a dulling of feeling or emotion.
Furthermore,
men are also subjected to the desires of the women in our lives or those we
interact with. Check out the lyrics to
Bonnie Tyler’s song I need a hero.
Ok Ok, I
know this particular song is very old school, but listen to and think about
what she is saying. Imagine how confusing
this can be to men much less young men or boys.
Somehow we’re supposed to be heroes but sensitive. . “It’s gonna take a superman to sweep me off
my feet.” Hmmmm, guess I need a red cape
and a big S on my chest too.
Well, the
buck stops here! Back to the hard
question I asked of myself, why did I pass this emotional repression onto my
sons? Right or wrong, I was raised in
the belief that men were the protectors of women. This is not to say that women are reliant on
men, or owe men in any way, but rather I was taught to protect those less
physically strong than myself and to be the “superman to sweep the lady off her
feet.” This culture of protectionism and
machoism was reinforced and amplified by several years in the military and
through conflict. Therefore, it was
simply a natural progression to pass this onto my boys as I had learned it. I think I did a better job of talking to my
sons and allowing for some sensitivity, but not nearly enough as I’m learning
these days.
As I see it,
the only way this circle of emotional repression and objectification of women
is going to stop is through those of us that see these things as a social injustice. It’s not enough to hold rallies and protests
we must hit the media in the pocket book and the objectification of women will
eventually stop. In relation to the
repression of male feelings, it’s going to take education on the side of both
men and women. Father’s will have to
learn to open up and soften, but this must be backed up by women allowing for
men to be more “touchy feely” or men will not change.
References:
WORD COUNT 1234
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