Masculinity has been proven time and time again to be incredibly fragile. Masculinity is programed into the minds of boys from even before they are born. Their clothes, toys and lives are gendered in a very harmful way. Most people think that they way their children play will in any way effect the way that they grow up, however they hyper masculine ways that kids are parented can lead to long term problems. These problems not only effect men but also effect women as well.
The documentary “The Mask You Live In”, unpacks the issues that masculinity causes. This documentary draws the connection between our ideals surrounding masculinity and problems like sexual assault, substance abuse, and gun violence (or violence in general). A lot of this can be trace back to the ways that boys that commit these crimes were parented. Parenting styles that encourage boys to reject femininity or be afraid of being associated as being a girl are the problem. These parenting styles often teach their children to uphold the stereotypes of masculinity, and one stereotype that is talked about is that of male stoicism. Boys are taught that good men don’t have or show emotions, or that the only emotion that they are supposed to have is that of anger. This anger and bottled up emotions is what many attribute to the violence that this country sees committed everyday at the hands of men.
But how do we even get from a little boy to a violent man? What influences encourage this aggression? I think a lot of it has to do with the media and the gendered products that we are given. Because its not just what the child sees and internalizes, but it is also what parents watch and internalize as well. This means that not only is the child watching or seeing what masculinity should look like but also the parents are constantly reminded of what masculinity looks like and how they should shape their own child. And this begins from the time they are given their first toy.
Its shouldn't be news to anyone that men and women are treated very differently by the media and by advertisers. Parents are taught to buy their sons very masculine toys that in absolutely no way resemble something feminine. Boys are told to play with monster trucks, action figures (however no one has really ever been able to tell me the difference between an action figure and a barbie), and weapon like toys. Even when they are allowed to do “girly” things like dress up they are told they are supposed to be a doctor, fire fighter, or police officer. Jobs that scream manliness and power. So as boys grow up they are taught that there is a clear division between them and girls, between right and wrong.
This continues into male adult hood as well male products are still extremely gendered. Products that have no business being gendered are made as such. This keeps the idea that there is something inherently different between men and women; and there can be no crossing over. They serve to make men ashamed of seeming even the slightest bit feminine.
Tv shows obviously do this is as well. An example that I always think of is on Friends when Ross is freaked out that his son extremely young son Ben wants to play with a barbie instead of a G.I. Joe. One of the things that he is afraid of is what most parents are afraid of when their children try to operate outside of their genders, especially when its a boy. They are afraid that their son is going to be girly (which is apparently the worst thing a boy could ever be called) or for some parents there is a strong fear that their son will be gay. Shows like friends say that if a boy likes a barbie instead of a G.I. Joe then they are gay, and gayness is the same thing as being a girl.
Ross from friends trying to get his son, Ben, to play with the manly G.I. Joe instead of the Barbie that Ben likes the play with.
But one of the most harmful side effects of masculinity is that it breeds a scary level of violence. Gun violence, in particular, can easily be linked back to products that we consume. Think about how often gun and little boys are paired together, its as if parents believe that a boy can’t be a boy unless he is familiar with a gun from the time he can hold a toy one. This pairing of boys and guns isn’t new; however before the 1900 hundreds these toys were usually wooden and could do little harm. When toy companies began to make more and more realistic toy guns that when I think there became a major problem.
Right now science and parents are split on wether or not toy guns lead to violence and aggression, some say it does and others say it has no effect. But I find it every hard to believe that it has absolutely no effect on how young boys see the world and react to it. There are plenty of studies that show a connection between violent video games and gun crime, and so I have a hard time believing that there are no consequences when boys are taught to run around physically shooting at people albeit with water, foam nerf pellets or BBs, but there is still that very real and physical part to it. When kids get comfortable shooting at people and are taught that its cool to shoot a gun, I think that has to carry over into how they see real life guns as well.
Think about how many times you have read about a child getting a hold of their parents gun and accidentally shooting themselves or someone else. It is pretty high compared to what other countries endure, however a lot of that can be linked back to their guns laws. But I think that there is a connection that can be drawn between the hyper realistic appearances of guns and shootings. “Boy” guns are extremely realistic and often the only difference is an orange plastic tip that can easily be removed or painted.
This makes boys who play with these guns much more unaware of how different a toy gun and a real gun are. Toy guns now make me think of Tamir Rice who was waving around a very realistic looking black gun with the orange tip missing, this gun looked so real that people called the cops and were scared of the “gun” waving 12 year old. It ended up with him being shot and killed by police.
Whereas with “girl” guns they are liberally covered in pink and sparkles that it would be almost impossible for people to mistake it with a real gun. It would also take a lot more time and effort into hiding the fact that it is a toy and not real.
So how do we change the nature of gendered products like toy guns that can lead to real world violence? Because I don’t think we can ban them, but maybe we can start educating parents that they should make a clear distinction between real guns and toy ones. The problem with consumer products is that the companies make money off of upholding gender differences within their products, meaning that companies won’t want to change no matter how much better it would make our country.
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